Ask The Sexpert: How Can Lesbians Have Safer Intercourse? | GO Mag

Recently, i have been witnessing lots of different health methods and community leaders speak about exactly how lesbians have no need for condoms at all within their sex practices. And this also concept truthfully perplexes myself! Everytime I read it somewhere, I stop and think

huh? Where performed these people manage to get thier much safer intercourse information from?

This is a part of a larger social problem in this lesbian, queer and bi ladies are usually left behind in the conversation about sexual health insurance and STIs. It is like folks believe that

STIs

just come from penises and that lesbian, queer and bisexual females don’t previously

have

penises.

News flash:
STIs is handed down in a variety of steps
. Through skin to epidermis contact. From anal intercourse. From oral gender. From sharing sex toys. Essentially whichever sex you are having, it’s likely that STIs may possibly be passed on, from individual to individual. It is in addition crucial to keep in mind that lesbian, queer and bisexual ladies often have actually penises. Or occasionally we make use of dildos during sex. And also for both a dildo and a penis, condoms can be utilized as a barrier solution to lower the chances of STIs becoming passed.

In de-stigmatizing STIs, it is critical to remember that it is not the end of globally any time you try good for an STI. Lifetime as well as your sexual life are not over. When we can gain access to this better intercourse information, then we could all develop and learn together—and have significantly more pleasurable intercourse!

We have currently discussed
various shield strategies
that lesbian, queer and bisexual women can use whenever making love with each other. And yes, condoms are included in those options. You can use condoms as a barrier when having a penis in vagina or whenever having
anal sex
, when you are utilizing a sex toy or dildo, and you can also cut a condom down the heart (with scissors) if you would like a dental dam for analingus or oral sex. Whenever we inform women who sleep with other ladies that they cannot

require

condoms to apply safer intercourse, our company is perpetuating this misconception which our intercourse is actually intrinsically protected from any STIs becoming provided.

Countless of my personal lesbian, queer and bisexual buddies often have a good laugh about precisely how they do not practice safer sex. We notice queer women make laughs about dental care dams and exactly how they do not have once used all of them. All this can make myself question whom within area perform really exercise safer gender? Incase the audience isn’t utilizing barrier strategies, tend to be we after that having in-depth talks about our sexual wellness before we f*ck? Are we continuously prioritizing getting tried between our partners? And not simply a pap smear (
because that doesn’t protect almost everything
), but like obtaining a full build up?

I really don’t state any one of this to be judgmental, after all. I’ve been that lady to chuckle about dental care dams. I in addition had one night stands where i did not prioritize me or my partner’s intimate health. But i would like us to do much better. I’d like all of us to have real, nuanced discussions about our very own intimate wellness. Because it matters, girls. And I also would like to get past chuckling about dental dams and shrugging off condoms as a choice.

Typically inside discussion, I get expected

well, imagine if I want to utilize a dental dam but she does not believe that’s beautiful?

This concern is so common that I believe like countless lesbian, queer and bisexual ladies are also nervous to ask their particular associates to train better gender. But let me make it clear a queer lady key, obtaining oral gender through a dental dam is actually beautiful and seems amazing. Indeed, anyone it surely alters things for will be the person giving the oral. Its slightly various of an event, but the one that you may get utilized to! It really is beautiful for any individual receiving because 1. you are both prioritizing each other’s sexual wellness, that is hot AF and 2. within my honest viewpoint, it however seems pleasant as f*ck.

I additionally understand how hard it could be to take up the discussion of STIs if your wanting to make love, particularly if you’ve never had gender with this particular individual prior to. The one thing I learned inside my numerous years of messily navigating sex and relationships would be that once I talk to some one concerning the style of gender both of us wish to have and regarding what type obstacles we would like to use—We have wayyyy better intercourse. Like I’m not stating this simply because I’m a sex technical. I’m suggesting my personal truthful queer lady truth. Sex is most effective when you discuss desire and your bodies initially.

Let’s break it all the way down.

You and this potential hookup have no idea both’s systems yet. Each person has actually their needs and clicks and techniques, that turn them the f*ck on. And while you could perform a guessing game as long as you’re sex to figure out what ~feels good~ for this brand-new person, you could potentially as an alternative, talk about it ahead of time. Isn’t really it enjoyable to be able to f*ck someone how they wish to be f*cked? You then know the go-to place on their behalf, for which you would you like to build up to and how to cause them to be putty in your hand.

In terms of referring to just what obstacles and/or toys you want to use while you’re having sex—a large amount of men and women think its awesome maybe not sexy and requires all enjoyable from it. But envision in case you are sex nevertheless entire time you’re stressed because you truly planned to use a dental dam but failed to know how to inform her that and now you can’t have an orgasm since you’re very in your mind about perhaps not talking up for your needs? Which is no fun for anybody, believe me. When you are getting that discussion out of the way prior to starting sex, then you certainly know already to go for the condom if you use your strap-on or whether she actually is cool with liquid connecting or otherwise not. They are important aspects of gender therefore we shouldn’t disregard them.

We have research regarding of you reading this article right now. The very next time you’re having a hookup with some body, make an effort to integrate a number of these talks if your wanting to hit the bedsheets and determine exactly what the email address details are. We guess you that you’re going to possess some mind-blowing consensual less dangerous sex!

Had gotten any intercourse concerns? Go ahead and extend: Corinne@gomag.com!